Love hurts, as the song says, and most of us know that the pain following a relationship breakup can be intolerable.
In fact, research[1] has shown that people who have recently gone through a breakup experience similar brain activity when shown photos of their loved one as they do when in physical pain.
Psychotherapist and coach, Megan Bruneau[2], recovering from her own breakup the second time around, outlines 12 sensible steps to help you recover from the pain of heartache and become a better person as a result.
In her article[3] in mindbodygreen, Megan covers a range of ways to manage your heartbreak, ranging from ceasing all contact with your ex, to acknowledging a breakup may trigger a childhood abandonment issue and bring out your scared inner child[4], through to understanding your attachment style[5] and how this can give you insight into why the breakup happened.
Don’t judge yourself for throwing yourself into work or a television series to escape how you feel, but in the long term it’s important to find a therapeutic way to feel your way through, like journaling, yoga, massage, counselling or even just walking.
Self-compassion is key at a time like this, so treat yourself in the same way you’d support a best friend in the same situation. Encourage yourself, set realistic expectations and remind yourself that healing is nonlinear, Megan advises.
By tolerating the difficult emotions that heartbreak brings, we learn resilience. Pain will always exist in our lives, but our resilience to it is the buffer.
In the end, surrender and take the bumpy ride, she advises, because it will make the journey less agonizing - and know you’re on the way to somewhere incredible.
If you’re seeking help to heal from heartbreak, consider connecting with one of our qualified health practitioners for the mind, such as a psychotherapist, counsellor or life coach. Visit our therapies section and book a free discovery call to discuss your needs and goals.
References
1. Kross E, Berman MG, Mischel W, Smith EE, Wager TD. Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences; 2011.
2. Home. Megan Bruneau; [cited on 2024 Dec 17].
3. Bruneau M. I Had My Heart Broken During The Pandemic — Here Are 12 Tools I Used To Heal. mindbodygreen; 2021.
4. Trieu T. What Is Inner Child Work? A Guide To Healing Your Inner Child mindbodygreen; 2023.
5. Savvy JW. Which of These Four Attachment Styles Is Yours? Scientific American; 2020.
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