Loneliness

Overview

Loneliness is the feeling of distress or discomfort that arises when there is a mismatch between one's desire for social connection and one's actual social experiences. Even individuals surrounded by others daily or those in long-term relationships can still experience a profound and lasting sense of loneliness¹.

Psychologists often view loneliness as a subjective and consistent characteristic, with each person having a baseline level of loneliness that tends to remain relatively steady throughout their life. While this baseline can shift depending on life events, it generally stays stable during adulthood. However, as people reach their late 70s and early 80s, their experience of loneliness tends to rise slightly². 

Causes of Loneliness

• Situational Factors: Situational variables are among the most common contributors to loneliness, often triggered by significant life changes or circumstances. For instance, physical isolation—whether due to living alone, moving to a new area, or experiencing separation—can create a sense of disconnection from others. A person who relocates may struggle to build new social networks, leading to feelings of isolation. Divorce is another significant event that can result in loneliness, as it often disrupts long-standing social relationships and emotional bonds. Additionally, the death of a loved one, such as a partner, close friend, or family member, can leave a person with a deep sense of loss and loneliness, particularly in the absence of a support system to help manage grief.

• Depression: Loneliness is often intertwined with mental health issues, particularly depression. In many cases, depression manifests in a withdrawal from social activities and relationships, leading individuals to become more isolated. This social withdrawal exacerbates feelings of loneliness, creating a vicious cycle where the individual feels increasingly distanced from others. On the other hand, loneliness itself can act as a precursor or contributing factor to depression, as the lack of social connection can lower self-worth and increase emotional distress. Research suggests that loneliness and depression are mutually reinforcing, where the experience of loneliness can worsen depressive symptoms, and depression can intensify feelings of isolation.

• Low Self-Esteem: Internal factors, such as low self-esteem, can also be significant contributors to loneliness. People with low self-worth often struggle to believe that they deserve attention, affection, or respect from others. This belief can lead to avoidance of social situations, reluctance to reach out to others, or a sense of unworthiness when interacting socially. Over time, these negative self-perceptions can isolate individuals, leaving them feeling disconnected and perpetuating feelings of loneliness. Moreover, low self-esteem can make it more difficult for someone to initiate or maintain meaningful social relationships, further entrenching their isolation.

• Personality Factors: Personality traits, particularly introversion, can influence the likelihood of experiencing loneliness. Introverts, who may find social interactions draining or overwhelming, are less inclined to seek out social opportunities compared to extroverts. This preference for solitude can lead to periods of isolation, especially in environments where social interaction is valued or expected. While introversion is not inherently linked to loneliness, a tendency to avoid social engagement can contribute to feelings of being disconnected from others³.

Signs of Loneliness

• Desire for Increased Social Interaction: A common sign of loneliness is the heightened desire for more social connections or meaningful interactions. People experiencing loneliness often find themselves longing for companionship or deeper engagement with others. This craving may manifest as a wish to reconnect with old friends, meet new people, or simply spend more time with family members. Despite this longing, individuals may feel uncertain about how to initiate these interactions or may find themselves unable to form connections that feel truly fulfilling. The disparity between the desire for connection and the actual experiences of social interaction can increase feelings of loneliness.
• Feeling Misunderstood or Disconnected: Loneliness can also manifest through the perception of being misunderstood by others. This often arises when an individual feels that their thoughts, emotions, or experiences are not recognized or valued by those around them. They may struggle to communicate their needs or feel that others don't fully grasp their emotional state. This sense of disconnection can amplify feelings of isolation, as the individual may come to believe that no one truly understands them, leading to a deeper sense of loneliness even in the presence of others.
• Loneliness Despite Being Surrounded by Others: One of the most paradoxical signs of loneliness is feeling isolated even when in a group or surrounded by people. This can happen in situations where a person might be physically present at social gatherings, work, or family events, but still feels emotionally detached or unconnected. The individual may have a sense of emotional emptiness as if the interactions are shallow or insufficient to meet their need for real connection. This type of loneliness stems not from a lack of physical presence, but from a lack of meaningful emotional connection with others.
• Increased Isolation and Withdrawal: Loneliness often leads individuals to withdraw from social interactions, resulting in a cycle of isolation. Those feeling lonely may begin to pull back from social events, decline invitations, or avoid engaging with others. Over time, this withdrawal can deepen the sense of isolation and make it harder for the individual to break free from their feelings of loneliness. Isolation may feel like a protective mechanism, but it ultimately reinforces the feeling of being disconnected from others. The more someone isolates themselves, the more difficult it becomes to form meaningful relationships or engage in social interactions.
• Physical Symptoms Linked to Loneliness: Loneliness doesn’t just affect emotional and mental well-being—it can also manifest physically. People experiencing loneliness may suffer from various physical symptoms, including sleep disturbances, headaches, fatigue, or increased stress. Chronic loneliness has also been linked to more serious health issues, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and weakened immune function. These physical symptoms can create a feedback loop, where the physical discomfort further exacerbates the emotional feelings of loneliness, leading to a decline in overall health and well-being.
• Excessive Use of Social Media: Loneliness can drive individuals to seek comfort in digital spaces, particularly through social media. People who feel isolated may use social media platforms excessively in an attempt to stay connected, find validation, or reduce feelings of disconnection. However, studies have shown that increased social media use can worsen feelings of loneliness, as it often promotes superficial interactions rather than deep, meaningful connections. Additionally, seeing others' curated, idealized lives can trigger negative emotions, such as envy or inadequacy, which can exacerbate feelings of isolation.
• Changes in Daily Habits or Routines: Loneliness can disrupt a person’s normal routines and daily habits. This might include changes in eating patterns (such as overeating or under-eating), sleep disturbances (either insomnia or excessive sleeping), or a lack of motivation to engage in once enjoyable activities. The disruption of routine often reflects a decrease in overall engagement with life and can indicate a shift in emotional well-being. A person who feels lonely might lose interest in hobbies, exercise, or social commitments, leading to a further decline in mental and physical health. These changes in behaviour are often coping mechanisms, as the individual may retreat from daily activities that once brought joy or fulfilment⁴.

Loneliness and TCIH Approaches

• Counselling: Counselling can help alleviate symptoms of loneliness by providing a supportive space for individuals to express their feelings and explore the underlying causes of their isolation. Through therapy, individuals can develop healthier coping strategies, improve their self-esteem, and enhance their social skills, which can lead to stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Counsellors can also help clients reframe negative thought patterns, reduce feelings of rejection, and increase emotional resilience, empowering them to build meaningful connections and feel more connected to others.
• Reiki: Reiki can be an effective way to cope with loneliness. By promoting self-care and mindfulness, Reiki helps individuals stay connected to themselves, fostering a sense of inner peace and reducing isolation. It also works to balance energy, enhancing emotional and mental well-being. Additionally, participating in Reiki circles or sharing sessions with others can create a sense of community, offering mutual support and helping to ease feelings of loneliness⁵. 
• Social work: Social workers play a crucial role in addressing loneliness and social isolation, particularly in adult safeguarding. They often work with vulnerable adults who may be self-neglecting or experiencing financial abuse. By identifying and supporting individuals at risk of isolation, social workers can help connect them with resources, foster social relationships, and provide ongoing care to reduce feelings of loneliness and improve overall well-being⁶.